What Does it Mean to Start Over?
Recently, I was asked to give a talk at a local spiritual community where I live.
The theme of the month was “A Fresh Start,” and so they wanted me to give a 10-minute talk on fresh starts.
Throughout the week, I was thinking about fresh starts and what they even mean. Should I talk about how when I was 24 years old I moved to another country and came out of the closet? I thought I was moving to Mexico to work for an international company and add professional experience to my resume. Never in a million years did I think my fresh start would involve moving to Mexico to meet someone, fall in love, and come out of the closet as gay.
Lesson 25 in A Course in Miracles is: “I do not know what anything is for.” It asks us to consider that we don’t know what anything is for. As long as we’re seeing the world through the lens of our own personal interests and fears, we can’t recognize the true purpose of anything.
The lesson suggests everything is already working out for our highest good, but we can only remain open to that possibility when we’re willing to release the meaning we’ve assigned to how things are supposed to go.
I also thought about whether I should talk about sobriety and how I got sober while working at a gay bar. It was certainly a fresh start, as my life changed after I stopped using drugs and alcohol. Friendships changed, and I had more time to spend on things I enjoyed rather than recovering from hangovers.
Or what about moving to Los Angeles and having a fresh start in discovering God? Who knew that moving to Los Angeles, a city known for all things Hollywood, would help me develop a relationship with a more loving Higher Power and deepen my spiritual connection?
I could have talked about any one of these experiences as examples of “a fresh start,” but then I thought about what happened the day before.
Yesterday, I was planning to go to the library to work on editing the last three chapters of my new book. I’ve had them printed out, and every day this week I’d see them near my desk, but I told myself I’d wait until Saturday.
So on Saturday, I went to the gym, came home, got ready, and started walking to the West Hollywood library. On my way, I started thinking about how it seemed as though I had been procrastinating working on these final chapters. I wondered if a part of me didn’t want the book to end.
As soon as I had the thought, I realized I forgot my bag with the chapters. “Dammit!” I said.
I was so close to the library, but now I had to turn around. For a moment, I was annoyed. But as soon as I turned around to walk home, I thought about the irony of fresh starts. In a way, I was starting over. It was a fresh start to my day.
I also thought about how nothing had changed other than the fact that I had to walk back. I wondered if there was a reason I’d forgotten the bag. Maybe I’d run into someone I knew or something would happen on my new walk back.
Nothing happened, though. In fact, I saw the same things I had seen earlier.
My interpretation of the fresh start was the only difference.
I could have stayed annoyed and changed my plans to edit at home or go to a coffee shop closer to my house. Instead, I chose to see it differently.
It reminded me of one of the best pieces of advice I was ever given: we can restart our day at any time. It doesn’t matter if it’s noon, 3 p.m., or even 7 p.m. We can restart our day at any time.
I also thought about how sometimes we may consciously want a fresh start, but a part of us doesn’t want something to change or is scared for the next phase of our lives.
This is where we surrender to the idea that we don’t know what anything is for and trust that everything is working out for our highest good.
We can have a fresh start no matter when it is or where we’re at in our lives.
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Chris Tompkins is a gay male therapist in West Hollywood (Los Angeles) who specializes in working with adult gay men, individuals and couples. He supports clients navigating identity, relationships, religious trauma, addiction, and self-esteem. To learn more, explore therapeutic services or schedule a free consultation.
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