The Hidden Harm Caused by Early Exposure to Prejudice

Witnessing homophobia in childhood can silently shape identity for years to come.

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KEY POINTS

• Early childhood experiences form core beliefs that can influence identity before self-awareness develops.

• Preventing homophobia requires conscious self-reflection and affirming support for LGBTQ youth.

• Internalized homophobia begins early, shaping self-image before individuals fully understand themselves.

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Asbestos is dangerous. You can’t see it, taste it, or smell it, but even the smallest exposure can have devastating effects decades later. Experts agree there are no safe levels of exposure, and the damage often isn’t visible until much later.

I spent a month on jury duty for a case involving a woman who developed a rare cancer called mesothelioma. Her lawyers argued she was exposed to asbestos between the ages of three and 12 through a product she used every day. She was diagnosed at 38.

Listening to medical experts, I learned that mesothelioma has what’s called a latency period—the gap between exposure and the appearance of symptoms. In asbestos-related diseases, that can be anywhere from 10 to 30 years. You might be exposed as a child, live for decades without knowing anything is wrong, and only much later discover the damage that was done.

Sitting in a courtroom day after day, I began to hear her story through the lens of my own work with LGBTQ youth in Los Angeles. The idea of a “latency period” perfectly describes something I have seen again and again: the delayed impact of early exposure to prejudice, especially homophobia.

Early Exposure to Beliefs that Harm

Research in child development shows that most of our core beliefs are formed in early childhood, often between ages three and five. During these years, children are absorbing not just what adults say, but also the emotional tone, facial expressions, and subtle messages around them.

When those early messages include fear, rejection, or shaming of certain groups of people, including LGBTQ people, they can settle deep into a child’s belief system—even if the child is not yet aware of their own identity. Those beliefs may remain invisible for years, until life circumstances bring them to the surface.

In my work—whether in the therapy room, at a homeless shelter for LGBTQ youth, mentoring a teen in foster care, or simply listening to regulars at the gay bar where I once worked—I have seen how this plays out.

When Old Messages Still Speak

One afternoon at the shelter, we were leading a workshop on bullying. As part of the discussion, I asked the group, “Who here is gay?” The air in the room shifted. One boy began to raise his hand, then lowered it again—as if an invisible warning told him it wasn’t safe.

We were in a shelter specifically for LGBTQ youth, surrounded by peers with similar experiences. Yet the early messages he had absorbed still carried weight.

Another young person once told me she had “come out” twice: first at 15, when she told her mother, and again years later, when she finally allowed herself to believe it was OK. The first step was sharing her truth; the second was about internal acceptance. The second step, she said, was far more difficult.

The Dose Makes the Poison

There's a saying about toxic exposure: "The dose makes the poison." Any asbestos exposure counts toward the damage it causes. I would argue the same is true for homophobia—there are no safe levels.

Even if a child hears a single slur, sees a parent flinch at two men holding hands, or grows up in a home where certain topics are simply “not talked about,” those moments count as exposure. Each one has the potential to influence how they see themselves or others years down the road.

Prevention Is Important—But Healing Is Always Possible

From a clinical perspective, prevention is far more effective than treatment. It’s easier to stop prejudice from taking root than to try to undo it later.

That means:

• Celebrate diversity openly in homes and classrooms.

• Help children meet and learn about LGBTQ people who are loved and true to themselves.

• Challenge stereotypes and biases as soon as they appear—even subtle ones.

• Encourage ongoing self-reflection to recognize and challenge personal biases early.

But what about the adults who have already been exposed? Healing is possible.

When my cousin’s husband was diagnosed with cancer in 2018, he wasn’t automatically given radiation. Instead, he met with an oncologist to address not only the disease but also its prevention, diagnosis, and various forms of treatment. I look at healing homophobia in the same way. While not a medical disease, homophobia causes lasting harm. We need to understand where it comes from and how it shows up in families, societies, and cultures—including the language and labels we use when talking about LGBTQ people.

Just as mesothelioma patients require specialized care, those who have lived with years of homophobia—whether from others or internalized—benefit from environments that affirm their worth and challenge harmful beliefs. This might mean therapy, connection with affirming communities, or even one safe relationship where authenticity is met with acceptance.

Like asbestos, homophobia can leave invisible scars that affect us long after the initial exposure. The best way to protect a child’s developing sense of self is to teach love and acceptance early, so they aren’t burdened with undoing damage later.

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Chris Tompkins is a gay male therapist in West Hollywood (Los Angeles) who specializes in working with adult gay men, individuals and couples. He supports clients navigating identity, relationships, religious trauma, addiction, and self-esteem. To learn more, explore therapeutic services or schedule a free consultation.